Prudence is married, she has three children, and lives in a suburb of Boston. Her oldest boy is a freshman in high school and is doing great. Her youngest is in elementary school and loves it; but her middle child is in middle school and isn’t doing well. She’s hasn’t made any friends, sometimes gets picked on, is bored and uninterested with her education, and she’s begun acting out more at home. Prudence is worried about her daughter’s education as well as her mental and emotional wellbeing.
Prudence has talked with her husband about her concerns and he supports finding the best education possible where their daughter can flourish, so Prudence is prayerfully researching and thinking through all their options. Her name, “Prudence,” means thinking through all the options and their potential outcomes. She intends to live up to her name. She lists her possible choices.
- Current School: She could keep her daughter in her current school but lobby for more attention from her teachers or pay a tutor. She’d also have to talk with the administration about bullying.
- Different Public School: She could try and transfer her daughter to another public middle school in town but there’s no guarantees that could happen or would be any better.
- Charter School: Although she’s not as familiar with charter schools there is one nearby. She would have to do research to fully understand this option.
- Private School: The youth pastor gives chapel talks at a local Christian school. Several families from the church go there. There’s also a non-Christian private school nearby, but both are pricey.
- Homeschool: Several families in her church also homeschool and speak positively of it. She likes the specialized focus it offers but isn’t sure she has the time or talent to make it happen.
- Online School: One teenage boy in the church is trying to become a professional golfer and is going to school online. She didn’t have that option when she was a kid.
These are the options she lists but she knows there are others. Her head is spinning with all the possibilities and the potential pros and cons of each. Most of all she wants to make the right decision for her daughter, whatever that may be. Her pastor happens to be preaching a sermon series on Proverbs (what a coincidence!) and she wonders if she can apply some of what she is learning to this decision. Her pastor recently preached on the Proverbs 31 woman and this woman’s diligence really inspired her.
Proverbs 31:27 (NIV)
She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
She’s going to be proactive and make the best choice possible for her daughter. She opens up to the book of Proverbs and begins to review the notes she scribbled down.
“Make a good decision within the boundaries of Scripture.”
She remembers the first thing her pastor taught while preaching on wise decision making in the book of Proverbs. The Bible often doesn’t tell us what exactly to do. Instead, the Bible gives us boundaries of what not to do and what types of good things to do. It lets us use our wisdom as we prayerfully follow any promptings of the Holy Spirit. One verse warns of staying away from evil and pursuing good.
Proverbs 14:22 (NIV)
Do not those who plot evil go astray?
But those who plan what is good find love and faithfulness.
In other words, whatever we choose we shouldn’t disobey God or commit a sin. That’s not an option. Thankfully the Bible (God’s special revelation) helps her figure out right and wrong.
Proverbs 29:18 (NIV)
Where there is no revelation, people cast off restraint;
but blessed is the one who heeds wisdom’s instruction.
As far as she can tell there’s no scriptural mandate for how exactly to school your kids outside of discipling them to follow Christ (Deut 6:4-9). So none of these options are an immoral choice but neither is one option prescribed. This feels freeing, allowing her the space to investigate what’s best for her daughter. Now to figure out which one to take. She reads another note.
“Talk to trusted mentors and friends.”
It makes sense to Prudence to talk to people she trusts, and as she flips to the verses in Proverbs she finds that this book, a book of practical everyday wisdom, recommends asking for guidance from others.
Proverbs 24:6 (NIV)
Surely you need guidance to wage war,
and victory is won through many advisers.
Choosing the best education does feel a little like war. She wonders how many people she should contact.
Proverbs 15:22 (NIV)
Plans fail for lack of counsel,
but with many advisers they succeed.
(See also Proverbs 1:5; 11:14; 20:18)
Proverbs encourages her to talk with not just one adviser but many. So she thinks of a few parents she knows who have their children in each option. She wants to hear from each one what they think the strengths and weaknesses of their current educational choices are. But Prudence knows that when you read one Proverb you should see what other similar Proverbs have to say. The next note says:
“Avoid getting advice from foolish people.”
While she can think of a list of helpful people who have navigated the school system already, she can also think of several people she’s not so certain would offer helpful advice.
Proverbs 12:5 (NIV)
The plans of the righteous are just,
but the advice of the wicked is deceitful.
(See also Proverbs 6:18; 12:20; 15:26)
Prudence decides that although in the past she’s gotten helpful recommendations through Facebook, for this particular decision she’s not going to post anything publicly. Why? Because it might draw out some of her more opinionated Facebook friends and it may embarrass her daughter, neither of which she wants.
To make the best choice possible she begins to talk to trusted mentors and friends and avoid getting advice from foolish people. As she does her research she finds that it takes way more time than she expected. She’s spending hours and hours pouring over school websites and talking with program administrators and families who are currently in each of the options. Her daughter isn’t doing well and she feels like she’s getting nowhere. But then she remembers another point.
“Don’t rush it. Take your time to make the wise choice.”
Prudence feels as if the Lord has brought this to mind at just the right moment.
Proverbs 21:5 (NIV)
The plans of the diligent lead to profit
as surely as haste leads to poverty.
“Haste leads to poverty.” She doesn’t want to rush it. She calls up another mom in the church for encouragement and she agrees to meet up to talk and pray. Prudence tell her how she’s been trying to apply Proverbs and the sermon series but she’s also feeling anxious. This other mom remembers another lesson from Proverbs that really stuck out to her.
“Examine your heart.”
Together they flip to Proverbs 16. Here Prudence finds a call to examine her own heart and motives.
Proverbs 16:1-2 (NIV)
1 To humans belong the plans of the heart,
but from the Lord comes the proper answer of the tongue.
2 All a person’s ways seem pure to them,
but motives are weighed by the Lord.
Her friend asks her a question, “Why do you want to make this change?”
“Because I want my daughter to have the best schooling possible” she says.
“Yes, but this passage seems to say there might be something deeper going on in your heart. What are you feeling? What are your motives? Why is good schooling important?”
Prudence takes a moment to think it over before answering, “When my kids aren’t doing well in school or at home or with their friends I feel like a failure as a mom. I want my daughter to do well in school because I really do care about her education but also because I want to feel like a good parent.”
The other mom nods. She feels it too. They talk about how easy it is to base their identity as a parent on the success of their child and they commit to encouraging each other to find their acceptance in our Heavenly Father’s love for them. Prudence realizes this decision isn’t only about her own heart, it’s also about her daughter’s heart. She remembers the foundation verse her church family has been memorizing during this sermon series (maybe together we can help Prudence remember this verse).
Proverbs 4:23 (NIV)
Above all else, guard your heart,
for everything you do flows from it.
That evening she sits down to have a heart-to-heart with her daughter. She asks her why she’s feeling uninterested in her classes and why has she been acting differently recently. Is it the teachers? Is it the relationships? Her daughter in a moment of openness tells her that she’s always felt like the other kids are smarter than her. They just seem to “get it” faster and better, which makes her feel embarrassed and depressed. It doesn’t help when they joke about her. Prudence tells her daughter she loves her and is proud of her and they’re going to work it out. They pray over what her daughter is feeling.
Prudence walks away from the conversation feeling encouraged and now more than ever wanting to make the right choice for her daughter. That evening her husband brings up a lesson that has resonated with him from Proverbs along with one of his favorite verses.
“Trust in the Lord and his plans.”
The next verse after Proverbs 16:1-2 says how to deal with anxiety of the heart, by trusting in the Lord.
Proverbs 16:3 (NIV)
Commit to the Lord whatever you do,
and he will establish your plans.
Prudence and her husband remember Proverbs are not promises but principles. It’s not as if they pray hard and dedicate their daughter to the Lord that she will then end up at the very best of schools, but she does feel reassured that the Lord will work through this choice for her daughter’s spiritual good.
She is beginning to sense the Lord is more interested in “how” she makes this decision than in making the “right” decision. Prudence and her husband commit to trusting the Lord no matter what they decide. A few verses later they read another reminder of God’s sovereignty over everything.
Proverbs 16:9 (NIV)
In their hearts humans plan their course,
but the Lord establishes their steps.
(See also Proverbs 19:21; 20:24; 27:1)
Prudence remembers her own education. She thinks back to her college years when she wasn’t sure what degree she should choose, but eventually decided on nursing. It led to her meeting her husband. She remembers all the nights before that decision to pursue nursing when she tossed and turned wondering if she was making the right choice. And yet God was present all along working everything out through her normal everyday choices. Prudence felt at peace as she thought about the Lord’s plans for her daughter. His plans for her may not be easy but they would be good. He would work it out.
Prudence finally feels like it’s time to make the choice. It seems like Proverbs approves of prudence but not of procrastination.
“It’s time to make a decision without fear or pride.”
Prudence turns once again to the Proverbs 31 woman.
Proverbs 31:25 (NIV)
She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
(See also Proverbs 31:28)
Here she finds a strong, wise, capable woman who makes her decisions with joy and without fear. That’s the kind of woman she wants to be and the kind of woman she wants to model for her daughters and son. But at the same time she wants to be careful not to act arrogant or prideful.
Proverbs 27:1 (NIV)
Do not boast about tomorrow,
for you do not know what a day may bring.
Prudence and her husband take the time to pray for a humble heart and to make the decision without fear or anxiety but trusting in the Lord. Even if the next choice doesn’t go well they have faith the Lord will work it out. They’re grateful he has brought them this far.
Prudence reviews with her husband everything she’s learned:
-
- “Make a good decision within the boundaries of Scripture.”
- “Talk to trusted mentors and friends.”
- “Avoid getting advice from foolish people.”
- “Don’t rush it. Take your time to make the wise choice.”
- “Examine your heart.”
- “Trust in the Lord and his plans.”
- “It’s time to make a decision without fear or pride.”
She feels she can use this advice to apply to other decisions. In fact, she sees how these principles could be helpful in just about any situation, for her family, at work, on her frontline (the place where she naturally spends the most time with people who don’t know Jesus yet). But she remembers how her pastor is never done preaching until he talks about Jesus and the gospel. She adds one more point.
“No matter what happens, remember the gospel.”
They remember a gospel-verse from Proverbs from the previous Sunday’s message.
Proverbs 16:6 (NIV)
Through love and faithfulness sin is atoned for;
through the fear of the Lord evil is avoided.
Prudence and her husband are reminded not of their own love and faithfulness, but of Christ’s and how he atoned for sin. Atone means to pay for something, to make amends. Christ Jesus made amends for their sin by his death on the cross. Now, through the fear of the Lord, which means a humble relationship of trust in him, they can turn away from evil and turn to God. No matter what happens, they are forgiven.
If the decision goes well and their daughter succeeds, Prudence is not going to find her value, worth and identify in the success but in Christ. And… If the decision goes poorly and her daughter does just as bad after all this work, she’s not going to beat herself up or feel shame but instead remember her Heavenly Father’s love. Because of the gospel, she knows she should stand before God guilty but instead she stands before God forgiven. Now that’s wise decision-making.
You may be wondering which option Prudence chose. What matters more is how she chose it. Let’s pray.
Sermon Slides
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Church Service
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